We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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