my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize