i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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