Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your cock deserves a montage
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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