So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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