I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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