Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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