I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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