hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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