He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize