clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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