Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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