he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize