yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize