I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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