remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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