I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize