Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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