I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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