and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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