dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize