Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you never un-have a 4some
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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