false alarm. still invincible.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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