ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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