Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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