my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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