I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize