drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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