Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
