Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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