You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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