Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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