Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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