Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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