man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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