Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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