Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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