i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize