I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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