PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize