see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My ass is underappreciated
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize