i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she told me i tasted like america
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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