Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize