Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize