she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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