dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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