i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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