I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize