just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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