we're chasing vodka with high fives
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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