No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize