I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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